Originally, this was intended to be an E3 predictions piece. Then, Microsoft and Sony killed everybody’s buzz by declaring that there will be no new consoles shown at this year’s E3, thereby making this one of the more anticlimactic E3s in recent memory. Sure, Nintendo is going to show the Wii-U, but I’m not sure that we’re going to see something from them that’s dramatically different from what they’ve shown before, which takes all of the mystery and fun out of it.
Additionally, this year feels like a transitional year in gaming. We are seeing the last vestiges of this generation being released before moving on to the next generation, and generally this feels like a year of games that don’t quite match up to the brilliance of the prior year. There will be some good titles released, obviously, but last year was a tour de force for gaming, meaning this year was always going to feel like a bit of a let down.
So with that spirit in mind, here are my E3 predictions of things that will most definitely not be at this year’s E3.
SONY/MICROSOFT
In a shocking development, Sony and Microsoft will announce that the reason they are not each announcing a new console at this year’s E3 is because they are announcing a console developed and supported by them both. That’s right, the one console future is upon us! It plays and supports all of the games and accessories in both Microsoft’s and Sony’s back catalog, and is actually going to be reasonably priced, with a good accessory package in the box. KINECTic MOVEment is going to be amazing!
NINTENDO
Nintendo is going to shock the world by canceling the Wii-U and instead becoming a software manufacturer and announcing that games for all of their major franchises are in development for the new S/MS X-BoxStation.
UBISOFT
Ubisoft is going to announce a sequel to Beyond Good and Evil for the S/MS X-BoxStation that is slated to come out at launch. Also, they will announce a new IP that is going to give the Assassin’s Creed team time to actually go outside for the first time in about 5 years.
EA
Mirror’s Edge 2! Rock Band: Pink Floyd, as well as DLC for Rock Band:Beatles! A good basketball game! Dragon Age 2: The Not-Terrible Edition!
ROCKSTAR
I was going to make a joke here about how they are announcing that they are going to release a game that is mechanically competent, but then Max Payne 3 came out. So yeah, I got nothing.
ACTIVISION
Activision is going to shock the world by announcing an “accessory buy back” program that will allow people who have unwanted plastic accessories to send them back to Activision, which will then melt them down and use the materials to create THE CALL OF DUTY CONSOLE, which will be the new exclusive home of Call of Duty games.
GAMESTOP
Gamestop is going to have a major presence at E3, announcing that they are partnering with all of the major publishers to give a portion of used game sales back to them, as well as revealing that their pre-order system has been reformed to no longer be a scheme to get free interest on consumers money. Instead, the money is going to go directly to the developer to bolster the game development budget, thereby out-Kickstarting Kickstarter.
VALVE
Will announce a release date for Half-Life 3–yeah, you’re right. That’ll never happen.
We here at VGRevolution sincerely hope you find our real E3 coverage useful and worthwhile. Look for our coverage of the “Super Bowl for Gamers” starting Monday with the Microsoft Press Conference and continuing throughout the week. I will return with a recap of the real E3 next week. Thanks for reading!
